Epiphany Stories: Amir
Growing up, I was in and out of church. There were times that I’d be okay with going and times that I just never felt like going. I’ve always believed that God was real, but with being young and immature I just never really pursued him. My parents had gotten divorced when I was about 7 years old. I had gone to Christian schools growing up, but once middle school hit, that all faded. I became friends with people who were into things that I hadn’t ever experienced. They introduced me to drugs, cursing, and lustfulness for the first time, even though I didn’t really become active in those things until later in high school.
When I started out high school, the reality of my parents being divorced really hit me. I had no idea why my dad had left and what the cause was for it--it was painful. I wanted my father’s love more than anything. So I began to pursue girls, watching romance movies, and relationships, because I needed that feeling in order to feel loved. All of that only ended up leading to hurt. Most of the time instead of going home after school I’d go to my friend’s house up the street from me and spend most of my time over with his family and parents. I was very reserved and introverted, and although I had a small circle of friends, I really didn’t like talking to anybody. So there was this void of love missing from my heart, and I didn’t know where to find it.
One day during wrestling practice, my coach offered for me to come to a Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) meeting during lunch. I took him up on the offer and started going. We did Bible studies and whatnot, and there was always food so I never complained. It wasn’t until my coach asked me to come to an FCA wrestling camp that I was actually excited to go! So I went and it was amazing. A seed of Christian faith was planted during that period of time. But the minute I came back home, I forgot about all of that.
So senior year goes by, I graduate, and I’m college bound. When college started, I met the campus minister and I got involved in the ministry on campus and it was good, yet I never picked up my Bible outside of that. Sophomore year comes around, anxiety hits me for the first time in my life, and I’m a nervous wreck. Just walking around feeling like there’s a weight on my chest due to certain thoughts, I felt trapped. During this time I realized how important it was to have God involved, and I could feel that he was very much present with me then. But once he got me past that season, I forgot about him. It stayed that way until one day of that second semester when I got a text from one of my neighborhood friends whom I’ve been friends with since 8th grade. He was just checking in on me, and then he hit me with this question: “How’s your relationship with God?” I paused for a moment. From there on I made a mental note in my head to devote more time to God, but I was only able to do that for so long until I fell off again.
“I felt as if the Lord had delivered me from what I had been trapped in for so long, and he did. I couldn't put down my Bible!”
I didn’t attend the ministry on campus because there were things that I was dealing with. Time passes and then COVID hits while we’re away on our spring break in the spring of 2020 and my friend asks me again: “How’s your relationship with God?” In that moment I had this zeal to really seek the Lord, but I was still struggling with lust. I was tired of the struggle, and I felt ashamed and guilty. A few weeks went by, and one night I felt the weight of all that guilt and shame come over me. It was in that moment I got on my knees, and I prayed to God and repented. I told the Lord: “I don’t want to do this anymore, I’m tired of this and you are so much greater.” When I woke up the next day I had this desire to really seek God and no more did I feel tempted towards lustfulness. I felt as if the Lord had delivered me from what I had been trapped in for so long, and he did. I couldn't put down my Bible!
Throughout the rest of that summer I was on fire for the Lord! I had a friend come over and say the salvation prayer with me before I left for school. On All Saints Day at Redeemer, I was baptized! Ever since then, God has been in control of my life and continues to be in control. One thing I’ve learned is the only Love I should be seeking is God’s Love. Psalm 63:3 says: “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.” When God has your heart, he will change your habits. I’ve never felt so close to Jesus in my life and it is exciting! I can’t wait to see what he has in store for me!
-Amir Abdur-Rahim
