Epiphany Stories: The Logan Family
2020 was an exceptional year for everyone. As of this moment, not enough time has passed to truly allow us to step back and take stock of the year. However, I wanted to share a little bit about how God moved in our family in 2020, and the blessings that came.
2020 didn’t happen in a vacuum- but it was a continuation of a larger thread of God’s hand moving in some ways we prayed for, and also in a few ways we were NOT praying for. God started answering our prayers when we spiritually (and financially) let go of OUR plans, and gave them to the Lord, way back in early 2019. Allow me to explain.
A photo the Logans included in their adoption book during that process
In the summer of 2019, we were tired of battling our familial battle of infertility through the 4 years up to that point. We were tired emotionally from the tears that had been shed through an adoption that fell through. Our journey through an adoption service matched us with a birth mom, and we were so excited. We did the home-study, met with a social worker, filled out countless pages of forms, did background checks, and wrote checks. Lots of checks. Large checks. Yet, at the last minute, the birth mom changed her mind. Our hearts dropped. The Lord tells us to take care of the orphans, and that is what we were trying to do, so why did He not allow it to happen? It just didn’t make sense.
Before the adoption, we tried some less-invasive fertility treatments. The doctor in the area is an extremely successful one, and said Taylor is perfectly healthy, and everything medical says that the procedure should be successful. The pregnancy took. The heartbeat shows on the ultrasound. And then it was taken away. As I write, the lump appears in my throat and my eyes fill—what is this precious life that we want and pray for—and why do you take it away, oh Lord? Why does Taylor have to suffer? How am I to comfort her? These were questions I just couldn’t find peace about.
During these times, the really hard times, I like to dig my heels in by going to a place of solitude and just talking to God. Sometimes I scream during these prayers, and the place I like to do this is one of Greensboro’s many hiking trails off of North Church Street, on a rainy day, to guarantee that no one will spot me on the trail and label me as a crazy person.
There were many hikes like this—and many prayers—and a few “words” from the Lord that didn’t make sense. Some of those words include:
“You will have a child, but it will not be in the way that you expect.” (This was in the midst of the adoption process.)
“I never move the same way twice.”
“You are not broken Luke. I made you this way.”
I didn’t know what those words meant at the time, but they make sense now.
Infertility is expensive. Between the medical expenses and the adoption fees from 2016-2019, “uncertain” was the best way to describe our situation. Because there was so much uncertainty about what we would do next, we were in a state of paralysis—unable to make any of the big life decisions we needed to make. Would we move? Would we try to adopt again? Could we go on a big family trip? Could we get a new car? No, no, no—we could not do anything because of the uncertainty hanging over our heads. Can I really trust the Lord with these things as well? Neither me, nor Taylor, could find an answer to these questions.
Mercy was born on September 24th, 2020
In that state of exhaustion in the summer of 2019, my sister-in-law took notice. She had a long conversation with Taylor, and said “You aren’t being yourself.” And Taylor agreed. One thing I like about Taylor is her ability to take time and process her thoughts before verbalizing them—and this moment was no exception. Taylor prayed on these words she heard during that conversation, asking the Lord why this was. Why was she not able to be herself?
Taylor and I spoke after that conversation, and decided that we needed to stop putting our life on hold. We cannot be held captive to our fears. Trusting the Lord is what we need to do, and we need to stop delaying. We put our house for sale—it sold in 3 days, and we decided to trust the Lord with everything else going forward.
Mercy Ren Logan with Jimmy Renslow, her namesake
We were doing the Life in the Spirit class at the time with David and Sally Miller, and Taylor was pregnant through IVF. The doctor pointed out that the heartbeat was lower than normal, so we asked our group to pray for us. In Spirit and in Truth, they laid hands on us to pray. This was no ordinary prayer, and it was NOT how I expected the Lord to move. There were tears, tongues, sweat, and the ground seemed to physically shake beneath me. This prayer called on the Lord in a way that was far different than anything I had ever been a part of. On the way home, the words were hard to come by, but Taylor and I both knew that something was different in that prayer—something happened. And a peace fell onto our house for weeks following that prayer.
Then she lost the baby. 2019 was another horrible, horrible year. This too, was not how we expected the Lord to move, and affirmed the Word from the Lord many months before.
After healing, both physically and spiritually, we were ready to try again in January of 2020. This time the embryo took, and Taylor was pregnant. The heartbeat was healthy, and we were in tears.
6lb 6oz Mercy Ren Logan was born on September 24th, 2020, named after the man that mentored me since the age of 12, moved me into college, baptized me, married me, and baptized our older daughter Rosie—Jimmy Renslow.
Rosie with little sister Mercy
The year was incredible, but the Lord wasn’t done—and this could fill up another complete Epiphany story. After getting laid off in May, 2020 as a result of COVID-19, the temporary stress during Taylor’s pregnancy opened the door to a job that is a much better fit—working remote out of a company in Charlotte. The salary came in higher as well. Personally, I think this part was just the Lord showing off what He can do.
2020 was great. After the trials infertility handed us in 2019, 2018, 2017, and even 2016, quarantining with this newborn was a delight. Having a few more square feet in our new home made it easier to quarantine—through a pregnancy, and remote work. Though 2020 was a nightmare for most, I can’t help but look at the ways the Lord showed up in our family.
Lamentations 3:22-23:
His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning…
-Luke Logan
